Azonto Epistles 11: If I Were Mr Roman Abramovich

If I was Roman, I would.....
If I was Roman, I would…..

The rigors of the International break can only be wile away with not Matches like England vs San Marino or Israel vs Portugal. We deserve far better than that. Whiles we are all enduring the pain of missing our beloved Chelsea play for 2  weeks, I decided to take my frustration on twitter and join the Chelsea community on it and have something to at least read about us. Well, it happened to be a worthwhile venture when I saw the tweet of Shaurya Kumar (CEO, imagining himself to be Roman Abramovic. (The tweet went like this: if I were Roman, I would bring back Mourinho, sit back and watch him do his magic) Well, later on, he said he would replace Emenalo with me!!! Hahaha… So, Chelsea Family, lmagine you are Roman for 10 minutes free of charge and let’s see which decisions you will take for the success of Chelsea.

Starting with me, my first decision will be to try hard to persuade the Chelsea Pitch Owners to sell their shares to the club so that we can build a new stadium which matches our stature in terms of capacity in order to be financially independent for FFP. Since expanding Stamford Bridge seems near impossible.

Secondly, I will sack Ron Gourley, Bruce Buck and Emenalo for not being meticulous in their dealing with the CPO and creating tension between the club or myself and CPO. Not only that, for being sycophants to me and not restraining me from sacking Mourinho in the first place which has put me in a situation of sacking every manager who doesn’t deliver like “The Special One” I already sacked. And finally, for making me become the most ridiculous person in the world for hiring Rafa Benitez after sacking a club legend who has brought the success I crave for most. Their P45 will be waiting for them in the next 10 minutes.

Third, I will recruit the entire scouting team of Porto and make Emenalo part of it for being able to acquire top young talents like Oscar whom I like so much, Piazon, Courtois, and Lukaku (although at a high cost). I will therefore insist that in the next 3-4 years, we promote players from the expensive young acquisitions and the academy and buy exceptionally good players like the Hazards of this world if they become available.

Not only that, but importantly, I will win back the love of the fans by bringing back Jose Mourinho. However, there will be a strong agreement that he makes use of the young talents in the academy and on loan and should in 3 years make Hazard, Oscar or Mata a Ballon D’or contender.

Finally, I will give Lampard an honorary 1 year extension to his contract since he has managed

to change my mind about it. Also, I will sign Radamel Falcao and make the acquisition of Neymar a serious project for the club at all cost. Which means Fernando Torres whom I signed and has sacked 3 managers because of him will leave the team Since his arrival has made my team lost its swagger in the EPL. Maybe he is not meant to win EPL title in his life.

According to my Good friend on twitter, Kelechi Nkwocha (@kaycee4one) : ” I’ll drop Falcao and hire Mourinho, recall Lukaku, sell Torres; bring in a strong midfielder like Fellaini and sign a left back”

Your opinions are welcome. KTBFFH!

By Seth Adusei (twitter @sethaadusei)

  1. Dave says

    I’d bring back mourinho and give him the power of technica director and make him assure me that he will give chance to young prospects.and finally i’d hunt for investors to invest in our 60-80 new capacity stadium.

  2. oriabure says

    1st i will build a new stadium or renovate the bridge i 2nd i will sack mechael elomelo and recall jose and give him full control of the team and give him the right to buy and sell player at his will and stop player power 3rd i will not sign falcao becouse he is already 27years and will soon start getting been distorbed by injury and i will bring in neymer to to play as false9

    1. Muyeen says

      i agree especially the one on falcao

  3. klaxon9 says

    Bring back mourinho is a must but make sure he utilises the 3 amigos and makes us a great team to watch as well as winners.
    Emenalo shud not be incharge of transfers but keep him so tht he can advise us on which young players to get.
    Somehow get massive stadium
    Lampard one year extension – player power is not a problem with mourinho seeing as he created the players in the first place

  4. Anonymous says

    •Bring in Mourinho as a long term manager and technical director,thereby relegating Emenalo to a scout
    •He should be licensed to make use of the Academy as rotational players in prosecuting less important matches.
    •He should agressively pursue the immediate purchase of Falcao,Hummels and Modric AND the future purchase of Shaw,Isco and Neymar.
    •And finally,he should avoid bringing in Portuguese players so as to avoid disunity in the team

  5. brynknight says

    Brilliant article! My plan of action would be:

    1) Fly home with Rafa Benitez and Ron Gourlay but leave them in Siberia.
    2) Appoint Jose Mourinho as manager and Guus Hiddink as Director of Football, changing Emenalo’s job title to Head Scout.
    3) Buy out the Chelsea Pitch Owners, sell Stamford Bridge and build a new stadium with at least a 75,000 capacity. Alternatively, write to the RFU and ask if we can ground-share Twickenham with the England rugby team. Or do both and only move into Twickenham temporarily while the new stadium is being built.
    4) Release Lampard, Ferreira, Malouda, Benayoun, Turnbull and Hilario.
    5) Sell Essien, Ba, Kakuta, Bruma, Marin and Torres.
    6) Replace them with Pjanic, Neymar, Aréola, Wanyama, Lewandowski, Isco, Shaw and Marquinhos.
    7) Recall De Bruyne, van Aanholt, Omeruo and Lukaku.
    8) Give contract extensions to Mata, Hazard, Oscar, Lukaku and Courtois.
    9) Loan out Courtois, Kalas, Shaw, McEachran, Wallace, Marquinhos, Chalobah and Piazon.
    10) Start destroying every single team we come up against.

    1. sethaadusei says

      “Fly home with Rafa Benitez and Ron Gourley but leave them in Siberia” hahahaha…. Alongside Benayoun and Torres

      1. Deelo says

        I agree with Seth on appealing to CPO sell their shares so we could build a new stadium. Secondly i will sackGourlay and Buck, change Emenalo’sposition to chief scout. Thirdly appoint Mourinho as coach and give him a free hand to his job but with one condition “Youth Development paramount”. Fourthly release redundant players, buy a top quality striker and return some of our prospect full loaned players.

  6. Frank okosun says

    1st of all emenalo was a scout during mou’s reign,he was elevated to d position of assistant coach when ray willkins was fired, if i was roman,i will return emenalo to his scouting job,sign kloop,pellegrini and give them a free hand to create a strong team out of our immensely talented team n youth team, get a sound technical director that knows his duties n work hard to create a better image for the club.

  7. king elijah says

    lol this just said everything I have in mind to say, pls, if mou is coming to chelsea there should be a strong agreement for him to make use of the talent we have.
    This is very funny though, I but I think all those who manage our darling chelsea and give baba olowo(Roman) advice should all be sacked and hire someone who knows bout chelsea like ray wilkins.

  8. Ali Obaji says

    1) bring back mourinho.
    2) limit emanalo’s power.
    3) recall lukaku.
    4) deffinately not buy neymar. I think he is overrated.
    5) Sell torres in a deal for Falcao.
    6) keep courtois on loan.
    7) honor lamps with a one year deal.
    7) Buy a towering midfielder to replace lampard. i.e Fellaini or Yaya toure
    8) give our youngsters a chance.

  9. sethaadusei says

    What about signing Manchester United’s most consistent player Howard Webb for 50 million pounds and offering him the wages of Torres?

  10. Vaibhav Kumble says

    1. Bring back Mourinho and give him total control of the club
    2. Limit my budget and make Mourinho use the players that we have on loan and in our youth team. NO MORE EXPENSIVE BUYS PLEASE..
    3. Keep the current team and gel them with our loanees.. will only buy Isco (well m Abramovich and I buy a player I like so I will buy him no matter what)
    4. I read a lot about the issues surrounding the rebuilding of Stamford Bridge so as much as I hate it I would move to a new stadium with 80000 seater capacity. . Thats right 80000! !! I want us to be THE BIGGEST CLUB IN THE WORLD.
    5. Sack the bloody board and get some ppl with balls who will tell me when I make a mistake. So Hiddink would be a good choice.
    6. I will also have a fans representative on the board to keep the fans involved with the club matter and it will also help solve issues which the fans think might hurt the club. ( I would love to take that job 🙂 and would do it for a very low salary cause all I care is about my beloved Chelsea.

  11. azeez says

    First Α̲̅πϑ foremost, I will release Mouluda, Fereira, Hilario Α̲̅πϑ Tunbull
    *Recall Lukaku, Courtoise, De Bruyne
    *trade Torres for falcao Α̲̅πϑ sign lewandoski, sell Kakuta as his future ll face a lot of challenges at †ђξ club
    *Cortoise will compete with Cech Α̲̅πϑ see if he can fill d loopholes being created Cech
    *Bring back Mourinho Α̲̅πϑ return my brother emalo to Head of scout, of course he i§ very good at scouting (smile)
    *will give mourinho autonomous power on d team to enable him do d magic
    *finally ll build a stadium th@ befits d standard of d europea champions.

  12. kelechi Nkwocha says

    Great article. I want to know if it will hurt us (with respect to FFP rules) if we buy Falcao and Naimar.

    1. Vaibhav Kumble says


    2. brynknight says

      Obviously buying both Neymar and Falcao would be detrimental regarding FFP, but I think we would still be OK. Chelsea are always in the Champions League, have a plethora of new sponsors and are winning a fair amount of prize money as we go along. In the summer, it’s likely that Benayoun, Malouda, Lampard, Ferreira, Turnbull and Hilario will leave on free transfers. That’s an annual saving of £20-25m on wages each year.
      Kakuta, Essien and Torres will probably also be sold, and they should raise £30-35m in transfer fees plus about £15m a year in wages.

      That’s £35-40m in wages saved plus £30-35m in cash. If I could, I would also sell Bruma, Ba and Marin, which would be roughly £25m in transfer fees and another £10m in wages.
      To buy both Falcao and Neymar would probably come at a cost of £95m, with £15m per year going on their wages. That’s a net spend of £30-35m and a saving of £30-35m in wages.

      That is perfectly acceptable, and actually very restrained spending relative to what we normally do. But that would leave Chelsea very short on numbers in central midfield and goalkeeper. We’d need another 2 CMs and a back-up GK e.g. Pjanic, Wanyama, Aréola. They’d cost £20-25m and £5-10m in wages, so we’d be looking at an approximate net spend of £55m with a saving in wages of £25m. That is absolutely fine, and there would still be enough money left over for one or two more signings e.g. Luke Shaw and Heung Min Son. So yes, buying Falcao and Neymar should be no problem regarding FFP.

      1. sethaadusei says

        That’s a great analysis by @brynknight in terms of approximation. And also Kelechi, getting Falcao means getting Torres off our wage bill as well as getting a few bucks (15-20m pounds) from his transfer fee which will reduce considerably the weight of Falcao’s fee and wages. Also Neymar is young and amortization of his fees will relieve us (as spelt out by the FFP, it means we will spread out his transfer fee to cover the 5 year period he will sign for us. So if he costs £50m, it will be £10m per annum. After that, we will renew his contract again free of transfer fee which he will be around 24 years by then. It also means, we will get a good sell on value of him if we want to.The success and his image rights the Neymar deal represents for the club is great and positive and gain not loss). Buying Neymar is a judicious business any ambitious club should aim at.

      2. kelechi Nkwocha says

        Thanks BrynKnight and Seth for taking your time to educate me on this. I almost felt I was in a classroom.

  13. Ronald Justino says

    1) Hire Mou as an manager and RDM(I will certainly do this) as his assistant…don’t fire Emenalo just limit his powers in the club

    2)Do Not Loan out KDB,Cortouis,and Lukaku, just field them in Carling Cup or something to get them minutes

    3) Investing !!

    Out : Torres,Marin,Kakuta,Bruma,Benayoun, Malouda,Hillario,Turnbull,Lampard(becoz its almost certain),A.Cole(when Mou comes,I guess his contract will not be extended)

    In : Shaw(loan back option),Fellaini,Falcao,Bony/Lewandowski,Isco,Neymar/Schurrle…..(Seems impossible but if I’m Roman…everything is possible :D)

    Follow me on Twitter : @Ronald10_J so we could talk more about Chelsea and everything about Chelsea !! Cheers !!

Comments are closed.